time for a change

CD and I decided not to get gifts for each other on our anniversary this year. We agreed it was time for a new bed, including mattress. For me, this is an absolute condition of bearing child #2, not yet conceived. Our mattress is shot and my back reminds me of this every morning. We foolishly bought an IKEA bed and even more foolishly believed them when they told us it didn't require a box spring. I have started looking around and can't seem to find anything I like. I hope when I see "the one" I'll recognize it but so far nothing has called my name.

I am starting to think we need to go beyond just the new bed, perhaps re-arrange the bedroom, or possibly even moving house. Every night when I try to sleep I am reminded that it was there, in that very spot, that I was told on the phone in the middle of the night that Piper was gone. I miss her terribly and the loss is haunting me. I don't get enough sleep as it is, with Oliver's current pattern of waking at 5:20am. Reliving the night we lost Piper is more than I can take.