wild wild life

It's been an interesting few days. Friday it all fell apart really really badly and since then I've been putting it back together, a little bit at a time. Once or twice a day it falls apart a little again. Then I stop crying and move on. There's a nose to wipe, a boob to whip out, someone (besides me) needs a hug or something else only Mum can provide. And Mum is there. All.The.Damn.Time.

There have been plenty of opportunities for me to gain perspective lately, should anyone think I am pissing and moaning about my own problems a bit too much. Two friends have had loved ones pass away, much too young in both cases. My next-door neighbor, who I had not had nearly enough time to get to know, also died this week. It turns out we shared the same birthday but I had to read that in the paper. And just in case you happen to be in need of a little perspective in your own life, go read this. Keep the tissues handy. Things could definitely be worse.

So onward and upward. We're on to plan B, or maybe H, but we'll call it B for now. For the first half of the plan I started calling schools and day care centers on Monday morning. Our first choice might have a partial-day spot for Oliver. I have a tour scheduled for tomorrow so I will know more soon. They don't take anyone younger than two. Our second choice, a place that could take both Oliver and Eleanor, is completely full. I dropped off waiting list applications today and toured their renovated infant/toddler space. They said "keep in touch."

The second half of plan B involves trying to find a job. Tough to do while caring for two children full time so that's why the first part comes first. Ideally, some part time child care and a part time job will fall into place and mesh perfectly. Yeah, I know. Stop laughing. Let a girl dream a little. It's been a rough week.

It would help if I had a clue what I want to do. All I know for sure is what I don't want to do. It's a start, I suppose. I have a friend who is interested in jumping into the crazy world of starting a business and has mentioned doing something together. I would absolutely love to make this leap and get a little giddy just thinking about it. Stay tuned....

CD is in Boston this week, returning on his birthday and with luck, in time for dinner and a little time with his children before they go to bed. May the airline gods be with us. The kidlets and I will try to bake a cake Friday morning but I'm not optimistic that will work out. Fortunately, there is no shortage of bakeries around here.

Here's the short list of what hasn't been going well since he left, though most of them are largely resolved:

• Penguin had a bit of digestive upset, resulting in her needing to go outside nearly every hour Sunday and Monday nights, and requiring a bit of a bum clean-up each time she came back inside. She is now over whatever the problem was, thanks to a bit of Flagyl.
• Eleanor seems to be transitioning to a new schedule and it has taken the last few days to sort it out. That too seems to be working now, though we're still hitting a bump or two here and there. She is loving solid food and has tried sweet potatoes, squash, carrots and apples, in addition to rice and oatmeal cereals. She is always annoyed when the bowl is empty.
• Oliver has been having fun, tearing around the neighborhood with the big kids in the evening, resulting in two skinned and bloodied knees last night. He was very brave, shaking it off, and taking off at full speed, until he saw the blood all over his shorts. He's fine but this is exactly why I bought red washcloths for the kids' bathroom.

Tonight I hired one of the neighborhood teenagers to watch Oliver and Eleanor so I could have a little break. It was a mostly great two and a half hours, except that during a very nice phone call with a Clumber friend Oliver accidentally bopped Ellie in the head with his plastic tee-ball bat. She cried a little and he cried more, to the point where only Mum could help him down off the crying and hyperventilating ledge. He was having nothing to do with the sitter putting him to bed so I did that, too, before fleeing the house. The sitter will get another chance on Saturday night.

The rest of the time was filled with a trip to Trader Joe's and the gas station, and 15 whole kid-free minutes at Starbucks. As I was driving between stops I switched the radio to WYEP just as one of my favorite Talking Heads songs was starting. (At least one of my nieces will be disappointed to learn it was not Psycho Killer.) I did what any self-respecting 41 year old would do. I rolled up my windows, cranked up the volume and sang along. (Everyone in the neighborhood should be very grateful that I am not yet driving my dream car.) For those few fabulous minutes I was back in college again, entirely unencumbered by children or other responsibilities. Thanks Tania!! The dj happens to be a friend and this was the first time I have caught one of her shows - a very happy accident!

Back to reality now. There's a hungry little girl upstairs in her crib, looking for a late night snack from her Mum.