we have a winner

Thanks to random.org we have a winner! Andrea, please send your address to clumber at gmail dot com so I can put Getting Things Done into the mail for you. With any luck, it will not get lost in all the holiday hoopla.

And please keep me posted on your progress. If you need an accountability buddy, I'm here and struggling too.

gee-tee-dee

[Read to the end. There's something in it for YOU.]

I spent Tuesday downtown at a seminar, one that I forked over my own cash to attend. Let me start at the beginning. Back in 2002, not long after it was published, I happened upon David Allen's book, Getting Things Done. It seemed to be just what I needed to get my act together. I read it and knew it made a lot of sense. I tried to implement the system but failed miserably. I have re-read the book over the years, each time having the best of intentions but always lacking the 2 days it seemed I would need to get the ball rolling properly.

In the meantime, GTD has exploded in popularity. The best site for learning more is Merlin Mann's 43 Folders, named for the folders needed to create a GTD-esque tickler file.

Fast forward to October of this year, when I was once again feeling overwhelmed by everything on my plate. Time to get out the book and give it another whirl. I was looking at the company website, noticing what an industry the book had spawned. There was a deal on offer for a CD set. "Time to try something new if I want different results," I thought. I bought the CD set.

With the CDs came a discount on a seminar. I looked at the schedule. Yep. Pittsburgh, December 8. I later discovered I could get a bigger discount by telling them I work for a non-profit so I registered. And the CDs sat on my dresser, along with another copy of the book.

Last weekend I decided the seminar would be more helpful if I listened to the CDs. What I discovered was mind-blowing. I didn't *have* to find 2 days to do it right. I could make small steps in the right direction and that was okay. Holy moly. Unfortunately, I fell asleep about 20 minutes into the first CD. I decided not to take it as a sign.

So, Tuesday, I'm at a downtown hotel for the seminar. Found another copy of the book in my packet (can you see where this is going yet?). And for the next 8 hours I barely peeked at my iPhone. I was mesmerized by the ideas in the book coming to life. Apparently my reading comprehension is a bit lacking, and has been for at least seven years. Or maybe I'm just not someone who can learn from reading a book alone. Regardless, lightbulbs were going on for me.

On Wednesday I started putting one principle, getting one's inbox to zero, into practice on my email. My personal email inbox was at 1944. In 90 minutes I had it down to 37. By the end of the day it was under 10. My work inbox was over 500 and it was down to about 45 by the end of the day as well. Not to zero, but a serious dent was made in a relatively short time.

I have a long way to go but I'm moving in the right direction, on the way towards "not overwhelmed". I want to share the energy with my readers. If you would like your own copy of Getting Things Done just leave a comment by midnight on Thursday, December, December 17 and the random number generator will work it's magic Friday morning.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz

Borrowed from my child rearing hero and woman of many superpowers, Mary P.

A – AVAILABLE: Not so much.
B – BIRTHDAY: Jan 23
C – CRUSHING ON: a couple of adorable 4 year olds in Oliver's class. I wonder if their parents would entertain a trade.
D – DRINK YOU LAST HAD : Coffee
E – EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: JT
F – FAVORITE SONG: Accidents Will Happen, or anything from Imperial Bedroom.
G – GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: If I have to choose, bears but neither one thrills me.
H – HOMETOWN: Auburn, Maine
I – IN LOVE WITH: CD
J – JUGGLE: Kids, spouse, job, dogs, house, and volunteer work. Something hits the floor and makes a mess regularly.
K – KILLED SOMEONE: Only in my dreams.
L – LONGEST CAR RIDE: Pittsburgh to Worcester, MA with a 2 year old and a 9 week old. Definitely not my idea of a good time.
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla. And don't mix any junk in with it.
N – NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2 of each
O – ONE WISH: An unlimited number of wishes.
P – PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: Tika
Q – QUICKIE: Yes, please.
R – REASON TO SMILE: My daughter made me smile this morning. She's adorable and silly first thing in the morning. I have usually been up more than an hour by then and am not at all adorable.
S – SONG YOU LAST HEARD: I Love Trash, the Steven Tyler version
T – TIME YOU WOKE UP: Which time? Dog got me up at 3:15, then a kid at 5:20 (to ask if about baseball scores), then the same kid at 6:15.
U – UNDERWEAR COLOR: Black but it's decidedly not the least bit interesting.
V – VEGETABLE(S): Mushrooms
W – WORST HABIT: Lateness
X – X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: Fingers, teeth, ankles, knees. I should have been glowing before I got out of college.
Y – YOYOS ARE: fun! Pass one over. I'm not at all skilled though.
Z – ZODIAC SIGN: Aquarius

as promised

Since y'all so kindly helped me reach my goal for the March for Babies, and put the team in very good shape ($28 away from FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! as of a couple of minutes ago), here are the updates I promised. Fasten your seat belts. It's been a bumpy week.

On Monday Oliver came home with lots of red paint on his shirt, his arms, and a very large patch under his chin and on his chest. Hmmmmm. I didn't understand his explanation but it washed off easily and I forgot about it.

On Tuesday, Oliver went to the doc and got three shots. He does not like what he called "the pens." When you're little, shots hurt and then you cry and then it's over and you forget about it. When you're four, it sticks with you longer, as in days. He's still talking about the pens.

At pick up time I found a note from Oliver's teacher that explained the red paint. It seems the class was doing a painting activity that involved straws. It took Oliver a long time to learn to suck liquids through a straw so it's not surprising that he's proud of this skill. A little too proud, as it turns out. The note described how upset he was and what steps the educators took. It implied he didn't ingest any of paint. Hold that thought.

After dinner Oliver went to the potty. He asked for privacy, then asked me to come back. When I wiped his bum, the toilet paper was totally red. The poop in the bowl was totally red. After about 7 seconds of panic, I remembered the note, the paint, the straw. It all made sense. Then I sent the teacher an email of thanks for the note, as she had just saved us a trip to Children's.

Moving on...

On Wednesday I went to the dentist for my first cleaning in way too many years. Double digits. It wasn't bad at all and I will be a good girl now. Flossing and everything. Six month visits. You know the drill. Pinky swear. 

Then the kids had their appointments. Oliver was doing great until some tartar was spotted on his bottom teeth and had to be removed. He didn't like that much. Worse than the pens, he said. Cleaning postponed, but only momentarily.

Eleanor was next. They never saw her teeth. Ahem. We'll try again another time. While she was being tortured (or so it sounded) Oliver and were negotiating in the waiting room. We made a great deal. He would sit in the chair and let the nice lady clean his teeth if I knelt down next to the chair and let him play with my hair. It was quite a sight, or so I assume from the looks on people's faces as they walked by the room. Mission accomplished however, and Oliver will now happily show you his shiny teeth.

Then the dentist came in to take a closer look. We suspected Oliver had a cross bite, complicated by enthusiastic and chronic thumb sucking. It seems that would be a walk in the park compared to what is really going on. He's got something skeletal and funky with his jaw formation. He's got two extra teeth on top. One is fused to another tooth. We're headed to a specialist in a few weeks. And though we only have three more weeks with his current teacher, she's agreed to help us get started on the thumb issue, bless her heart.

(Still with me? I'm just getting started, unfortunately. I suggest the faint of heart stop here, and that means you, Jenn.)

On Thursday we decided Eleanor needed to see the doc for her eczema. It was out of control and she was scratching herself raw. As a bonus, she also had a nasty cough. CD took her in and doc was worried she might have scabies. (I itch just from typing that word.) I looked at the pictures on WebMD and didn't think she had it but I itched for a couple of hours anyway. We got her an appointment that afternoon with a dermatologist. Right at naptime, of course. We kept her amused until about 30 seconds before the docs (4 of 'em) walked in, when she promptly hit THE WALL that 2 year olds hit when naptime is 90 minutes late. It was the fastest appointment ever. They all looked, did a minimum of poking, one guy wrote a script, and they all promptly bolted in an effort to get as far away as possible from the screaming. I picked up the vat of cream as soon as she was asleep. After two applications, it seems to be working. She's sleeping better and not scratching herself nearly as much.

While picking up the cream I finally remembered to get Eleanor a new hairbrush. We've been having world war III every morning and night as I try to get the knots out of her hair. I've been very close to cutting it all off. It seemed worth a couple of bucks to try a brush before taking drastic measures. This too has been wildly successful. 

In all the craziness I forgot to pick up my veggie crate. Say it with me. FAIL.

On Friday I had to explain to Oliver that his favorite baseball player was given a 50 game suspension. I kept it as simple as I could. He has started telling me he has sad news, or happy news so I told him I had sad news. Manny broke the rules and had to have a very long "sit down". That's what happens to him at school occasionally so I ran with it. We talked about how Manny will be back in July and how long that is from now. He seems to understand and took the news surprisingly well.

Then we all went to the spring fling at Oliver's new school (come the fall). They are being so very nice to us. The head of the lower school came over to greet us. So did the head of admissions, and one of his teachers. For a change, Oliver got over his fear of trying the various games and ended up having a great time. Eleanor joined the fun as well. I love that place more and more all the time.

Alas, it's not over yet. On the schedule for tomorrow:  March for Maddie, CD taking kids to Gymkhana, all of us meeting up at the Spring Fair at Oliver's current school, and me heading back there after naptime to volunteer for a couple of hours. 

Sunday is Mother's Day and our sixth wedding anniversary. All I want is to sleep until noon. Place your bets.

we are you and me

ChickyChickyBaby did this meme to help with a little writer's block. Maybe it will help me locate the blogger's mojo that has abandoned me of late. Maybe not. Anyway, should the spirit move you, feel free to do your own Couples Quiz. Leave a comment and link if you do.

What are your middle names?

Mine was Ann. I ditched it when we got married and moved my maiden name to the middle. He claims not to have one. There isn’t one on his driver’s license, green card, or passport. His siblings have said that’s wrong. Whatever.

How long have you been together?

Our first date was in October of 1998. We have been together since then.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We met briefly in July of 1997 and started sharing a house a few months later so it was a little more than a year before the date.

Who asked whom out?

He asked me to dinner (the place no longer exists) but I honestly didn’t know it was a date. I thought we were celebrating the release of Mulberry 1.4. I’m a little slow on the up-take. I think it took about a week or so.

How old are each of you?

We're both 43 but he’s a few months older. Dammit.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

His sister is the one we saw most recently. She left on Sunday, but it had been more than two years since I saw her. We see one of my sisters most often, about twice a year. His sibs are both in the UK. Mine are scattered about the US.

Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

We would probably give different answers to this one. I think he would say, “There’s nothing difficult.” I will say how much he works and travels sucks big donkey balls. Since he loves his work more than anyone else I have ever met loves what they do, we find a way.

Did you go to the same school?

Not even close. I went to Williams, he went to Cambridge. The one in England. Undergrad through post-doc. I used to think Williams was old. It’s the second oldest in Massachusetts, over 200 years old. That’s pretty old, right? His college was founded in 1448. You read that right. 1448. 

Are you from the same home towns?

Not even close.  

Who is smarter?

He is. No question. Smartest person I know.

Who is the most sensitive?

I cry at the drop of a hat. Olympics, commercials, you name it. 

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Does Wheel Deliver count?

Where is the furthest the two of you have traveled as a couple?

Paris. Honeymoon. 5 months after the wedding. Long story.

Who has the craziest exes?

Since he has no exes that anyone is aware of, I’m gonna go with me. You want the whole list of crazy or just the top ten? 

Who has the worst temper?

Me. If I ever see his temper I’ll get back to you.

Who does the cooking?

Me. He’s perfectly capable, and darn good at it, too, but if I’m home, I’m cooking.

Who is the neat freak?

He was once a neat freak and I’ve been a bad, bad influence on him. Let’s just say there’s only one of us who would consider vacuuming less than 48 hours before the cleaning crew comes. Tumbleweeds? What tumbleweeds? I don't see any tumbleweeds.

Who is more stubborn?

That’s one we might have to duke out and it probably wouldn’t be pretty. I think we are both less stubborn than the kids or the dogs, though.

Who hogs the bed?

He hogs the covers, but not the bed.

Who wakes up earlier?

Me. Me. Me. Whether I want to or not.

Where was your first date?

We went to dinner. I ate bean soup. I hate beans. But honestly, I didn’t know it was a date. 

Who is more jealous?

Not a clue. 

How long did it take to get serious?

Without a definition of “serious” I’m going to guess a couple of weeks.

Who eats more?

Maybe him, but I’m in a very bad, not enough chocolate in the world, stress bunny sort of phase. All food not nailed down is in danger.

Who does the laundry?

He does his laundry. Anything we share, that is the kids’, or is mine is my responsibility. He uses fabric softener (ewwww) and doesn't put most things in the dryer. Some people need separate bathrooms to stay together. This works for us.

Who's better with the computer?

We both can claim to be professionals but he runs circles around me. Regularly.

Who drives when you are together?

It varies, but I’ll say him about 65% of the time. The control freak in me does not handle this well but iPhone makes it all better.

re-entry roundup

After 12 days of togetherness, it was back to the real world for everyone in the family. Kids to their respective day cares, and the adults to their offices. Though we're going at 110% at my office to get ready for the semester to start next Monday, it was still a welcome change. I think all the daycare teachers were bracing for the worst but at the end of the day all reports were positive. Eleanor was fussy on the drive to fetch Oliver. I suspect she fought to hold it together while at school, then fell apart once she was with us. Overall, re-entry was a lot easier than I expected. Maybe keeping my expectations low is the best strategy.

During our time at home, thanks to both kids taking a post-lunch nap each day, we got a lot done. The clean-out is about 75% complete. The two rooms that remain are critical when the new windows arrive in a eleven days so we can't afford to lose momentum. We didn't get all the pictures we have to frame sorted but we did take one very important portrait for framing. I can't wait to get it back and hang the pair of them in the living room.

I am experiencing a few more problems with re-entry into blogging. My plan was to blog a little less, get the quality up, and have a little more time for reading and commenting on my favorite blogs. So far? Epic FAIL. I'm not even getting more sleep. I will be working on this in the coming days. Thank you to all the terrific bloggers who have continued to read and comment here, despite my appalling lack of reciprocity.

One year ago, we had a special guest in our house. When we "flunked fostering" he became a permanent resident. Bubba is doing pretty well for being a 13 year old Clumber.

Finally, my fingers may be writing checks my cooking skills can't cash. Uncle Crappy has challenged me to a crab cake cook-off. His original tweet was too damn irresistible. You can't throw something like that out there and not expect someone to respond. Should be interesting.

the shrew is dead

Other than breakfast, meals around here haven't been a lot of fun. Since we've been home for the holiday break, and today would be day ten of this little adventure, dinners have gone from major bummers to some really serious unpleasantness. In general, it goes like this:

• Ask Oliver what he would like for dinner
  
• Make what he asks for
  
• Fight over whether we are washing hands with soap and water or a baby wipe (his preference)
  
• Listen to him say he doesn't want what I have made
  
• Beg, cajole, threaten, and bribe him to eat
  
• Listen to him scream
  
• Listen to Eleanor scream in response
  
• Listen to him bang the table
  
• Listen to Eleanor bang her high chair
  
• (repeat previous four steps)
  
• (one more time, just for good measure)
  
• More begging and cajoling and threatening
  

Last night it became abundantly clear that no one is enjoying this and that I am being a total shrew about it. I had to take a step, or maybe six, back. In my head, food is not a battleground. The reality is so different. I am talking the talk but not walking the walk, and Oliver is calling me on it.

Then we made a plan.

I told Oliver I will no longer comment on what he chose to eat from his plate or how much. If I make what he asks for and doesn't eat it, oh well. There will be another meal in the morning. I will comment on table behavior I find unacceptable, but the shouting of, "Eat Oliver!" and the counting to get him to eat were over. On those rare occasions when dessert is available he will still need to eat a good dinner and "earn" dessert, but I will only remind him once during the meal.

Dinner tonight was darn near delightful, by comparison to last night. There was a little shouting and banging, but not too much. He did make one quick trip to the quiet stair, but it was, for the most part, without drama. Eleanor continues to mimic him, and he continues to find it funny while I continue to find it incredibly frustrating, but I have to let it go. They are feeding off my anger and that doesn't solve the problem.

This is one of those times, and they happen at least once a week, when I want to send a plane ticket to Canada. I want Mary P to watch over my shoulder and set me straight. I am going to start paying more attention to breakfast and try to figure out what is different. My hunch it is because he usually eats by himself, with Eleanor eating later. If that's the case, there isn't much I can do. He has to learn to eat with his family and to behave appropriately at the table. And I need to learn to take a few deep breaths and think twice before unleashing the shrew.

hopes float

Last year on this day I said:

And we hope in 2008 that:

• I'll get a job - check
  
• The other house will sell - nope, but it is rented
  
• We will add another Clumber to the family and I will get back to doing fun dog things - half and half -- we added a rescue Clumber and I tried judging dogs, but we continue to wait patiently for a new show dog
  
• Our kids will continue to thrive and make us laugh more than cry - check
  
• The smallest kid will sleep better, learn to walk, wean, and grow a little more slowly - check
  

All in all, we did well with our list.

I also looked back on my post of December 30, 2007. I bemoaned the problem of napping children. Not that napping children are a problem, but that having one kid napping nearly all the time certainly cramps one's style. Back then, Eleanor was taking two naps a day and Oliver was napping once a day, smack in between her naps. Perhaps the most significant change this year is that the kids nap at the same time now. On weekends, we can actually plan to do something as a family. And the adults have about 2 kid-free hours in the afternoons. Totally life-changing.

winning and losing

I won the child care lottery! Okay, not really. If I really won the lottery the childcare would be free and this is decidedly.not.free. But it is cool nonetheless. I got the phone call this morning that a spot is available for Eleanor at my employer's childcare center, where Oliver spent two years. 

Since the fabulous nanny is much more than we can afford in the long term, I was very worried about what we would do for Eleanor. Oliver's school doesn't take children younger than two. We were on a couple of waiting lists but I had given up hope. Then my phone rang, and suddenly the my world turned around.

It's clear that being with other kids her age would be good for Eleanor. Her brother is so social, so in need of time with his peeps, and she hasn't had the chance to find her peeps. Now she will have that chance. And I will have some special time with her while we ride the bus together. It's hardly a replacement for the time we had before I went back to work, but it will still be special.

I will miss the nanny, her laundry folding, dinner starting, dog med fetching, vacuuming goodness. She might be the wife all working women need.

And the losing? Biggest Loser, of course! A new round just started in my office. Apparently they did this before and it was a rousing success. Let's just say I ate cake and drank wine over the weekend, and wore heavy shoes this morning! I am going back to Weight Watchers next week, so that should help too. I've got an extra 30 pounds hanging around. It seems my brain missed the moment when Eleanor went from nursing 4-6 times a day down to 2, and therefore also missed when she stopped nursing entirely about six weeks ago. I'm having a bit of a portion control issue. Stay tuned.

feeling like a twit

Last night, just before bed, I joined Twitter. Not sure what possessed me but it was clearly a moment of weakness. I poked around a little then, and a little more today. I have my updates automagically appearing over there in the right-hand column. But beyond that, I feel like I must be missing something.

If you are using Twitter and like it, please leave a comment. Maybe if I start following you I'll discover what all the fuss is about.

what I learned at my job interview today

Job interviews can be very educational. This one was only an hour, by far the shortest one ever in my professional life. 

1. Jobs like that are what I will always be trying to get away from.

2. I really need to get myself to lactation counselor training.

no resolutions

And so it ends, this year of living rejectedly. There was a bright moment just before Christmas when I was actually asked to join something, rather than being asked to go away quietly. I am still feeling stunned by the phone call. We'll see what happens when the work begins. I'm looking forward to working with people who want me around and to contributing to an important cause.

So, just a little retrospective. In 2007:

• I left a job, not of my own choosing
• We moved to a new house that is fabulous and in a great neighborhood
• We had another baby, our last baby
• I learned staying at home, full-time, with two kids is no good for any of us
• We didn't sell our other house
• We didn't sleep much

And we hope in 2008 that:

• I'll get a job
• The other house will sell
• We will add another Clumber to the family and I will get back to doing fun dog things
• Our kids will continue to thrive and make us laugh more than cry
  
• The smallest kid will sleep better, learn to walk, wean, and grow a little more slowly